


Keep Yourself Alive

by Omensaa



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Crowley is Satan | Lucifer (Good Omens), Fluff and Angst, Kidnapping, M/M, Other, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28891380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omensaa/pseuds/Omensaa
Summary: "' Is...Is that what the fall did to all demons?' Aziraphale had asked it more to himself than anyone else but Gabriel responded anyway, 'No…This is something else.' Crowley knew Gabriel recognized him for what he was. 'Where's the rest of you, Lucifer?'"-Bro what if it turned our your crush was, like, Lucifer's estranged good side.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 93





	Keep Yourself Alive

**Author's Note:**

> This is like the second thing I ever done wrote so criticism and advice are welcome. Idk I thought it was a cute idea.  
> Title taken from a Queen song because I know what fandom I'm in.

Our Angel's hand shook as he fiddled with the dials on the dashboard of Crowley's Bentley. The radio came to life in the middle of a song.

_"...belladonic haze,_

_And I ate a million dinners,_

_Brought to me on silver trays,_

_Give me everything I…"_

He could hardly believe he was doing this. There was no rational reason for him to be doing this. Yet doing this he absolutely was.

He spoke carefully into the air, "The demon Crowley has been captured by heaven. I will give you all information needed to retrieve him. Please respond as swiftly as possible." He waited but the song did not waver from it's chorus.

_"Keep yourself alive,_

_Keep yourself alive,_

_C'mon keep yourself alive,_

_All you people keep..."_

He tried again focusing on keeping his voice steady "The demon Crowley has been captured by heaven. They _know_ _what he_ _is_ and will destroy him! I will give you all the information you need just plea-" There was a hard knock on the window next to him.

Glaring into the car was a sizable group of demons. Dukes, Lords, and Princes, all looking at Aziraphale with distrust and notably a not insignificant amount of worry in their eyes. "You're coming with uzzz." Beelzebub spoke through the shut window. Aziraphale gave a short nod, shut off the radio, and exited the car. _Lord forgive me, even if I don't survive this he must_ he thought to himself.

• • •

Aziraphale's colleagues had captured Crowley while he had been on his way to the bookshop. He had been in no hurry to get there and it was a nice day so the demon had decided to stretch his legs and walk. All he had on his person was a handful of valuable coins and a sturdy epoxy adhesive.

"I'm told we found him half a block from that little shop of yours! After all this time he must have finally tracked you down. Just goes to show how slow these demons really are." Gabriel was so chuffed at capturing an enemy agent that he failed to see how openly terrified Aziraphale was.

Crowley was tied to a chair in the middle of a circle that was glowing faintly with heavenly power, keeping him from even making an attempt at running. They were holding him in some type of warehouse. They wouldn't want to besmirch the floors of heaven with the likes of him. _Especially if they knew just what they captured,_ he thought to himself.

Crowley locked eyes with Aziraphale for the briefest of moments then carried his gaze to the Angel's shaking hands. _Steady angel_ he thought to himself hoping the meaning behind his glances had been understood. He didn't want to put too much focus on Aziraphale. With so many eyes in the room someone might figure out what they are to each other, whatever that may be.

He watched the perfectly manicured hand flex then disappear behind the Angel's back. Crowley dropped his gaze to the floor. _Even if I can't get outta this you've got to,_ he thought at the warm brown shoes of his best friend.

"Were you planning on taking out our agent in broad daylight, Crowley?" He had always hated the sound of that ponce's voice. "Ssssso what if I wasss." He allowed himself to hiss for effect. "Arrogant prick like you wouldn't have even been bothered by the lossss." He grinned at being given the opportunity to shame Gabriel's ego, "Not until Our plans started working, then maybe you'd have realized what a thorn in our sssside he's been."

The Archangel scoffed at him and clapped Aziraphale on the shoulder. "Looks like you riled him up enough to make a mistake and get himself caught!" The principality clenched his jaw tightly "It does appear so."

Two Angels wheeled in a small metal cart covered in a white cloth. It reminded Crowley of the serving carts in restaurants but there was a look of uneasiness in Aziraphale's eyes instead of anticipation, so it probably wasn't carrying a selection of wines.

"There might be a promotion in this for you, Aziraphale. We haven't had a break like this in centuries." He looked to the two Angels that had wheeled in the tray, "Begin the interrogation."

One of Angels lifted the sheet allowing the other Angel, Sandalphon, to select a metal rod with a handle on one end and two points at the other. Crowley chanced a glance at Aziraphale and saw that all the color had drained from his face.

"You are going to tell us where the armies of hell are planning on focusing their attacks when the war comes." Gabriel was informing him, not asking. _This bitch thinks he can order ME_ _about?_ Crowley could not help the skeptical look he gave the Archangel. _Ignorance really must be bliss_.

Something pressed hard into his back and he felt the zap of holy power trying to burn at his nerves. "WHAT is that!? a holy cattle prod?" "Yep." Sandalphon grinned with far too much gums and too little teeth as he dug it into his back again.

Crowley, in spite of knowing all the reason he should be pretending it hurt more than it did, really didn't want to give them the satisfaction of thinking they were overpowering him. So, he evened his breath, relaxed his shoulders, and stared down the Archangel with contempt.

"Hmm.. up the power."

* _zap_ *

He gave no reaction.

"Again."

* _zap_ *

No reaction.

"Hmph."

Aziraphale looked incredibly lost but a little calmer knowing that Crowley was a little more resilient than he'd believed. Gabriel nodded toward the tray and Sandalphon selected another device. "Thought he was s'posed to be a low level demon." Sandalphon grumbled and struck hard with a new implement.

"Is that a BLESSED cat-o-nine tails? Really? I'll have you know hell invented those and we will be suing for copyright infringement!" He was struck twice more but he didn't react.

"And didn't they beat Jesus with one of those?"

* _strike_ *

"They did! I was there.That's an odd choice for a heavenly weapon. Then again,"

* _strike_ *

"...you're the people who made the cross your whole aesthetic. Don't tell me you have one of-"

* _strike_ * * _strike_ *

"...those on that little cart?"

Haven's attempts at torturing information out of him continued on in much the same manner. They would try one method and demand information, he would mouth off and act like hardly anything was being done, then they would try something else and it would be equally ineffective. He _knew_ he should stop playing around and start pretending to be in pain but they were getting _so mad_ and how can a decent demon resist?

"What are you? What's your rank? Our intelligence says you're supposed to be low level." Gabriel's brows were furrowed with anger and, Crowley couldn't help but grin, concern. "Ah, you see it was your intelligence so there's your problem right there." He loved how worried they looked now. He turned his gaze to Aziraphale.

The Angel's jaw was no longer clenched, his eyes were no longer tightened in worry, his face was open, awed, and only Crowley could see a little hurt. _Angel I hope you can forgive me for not telling you the whole truth_.

"You really didn't know what you'd been thwarting all these yearsss?" He hissed at his best friend. "Deep down, you mussst have known you were fighting sssomething much darker than they told you. Or you wouldn't have fought me ssso hard, Aziraphale." He gave him the same cocky grin he did when they would tease each other over fashion choices. He saw some of the hurt in his eyes melt away as he realized what Crowley was trying to say by continuing to conceal their arrangement. _I'm not what I claimed to be but that doesn't mean I'm not your friend_.

"Who are you?" Aziraphale asked sternly. Crowley grinned though he felt nothing but dread now and his corporal form was overtaken by what was left of his ethereal self.

Before them was the turning, twisted, and disjointed true form of a demon. More than that they could now was he was also shattered, broken into thousands of floating pieces at his edges and despite the fact that his true form was vast it seemed half of what he had once been was entirely gone.

" Is...Is that what the fall did to all demons?" Aziraphale had asked it more to himself than anyone else but Gabriel responded anyway, "No…This is something else." Crowley knew Gabriel recognized him for what he was. "Where's the rest of you, Lucifer?"

Crowley returned to human form in the space of one breath. "Off doing other things." He said simply. He crossed his arms now that he now longer had to entertain their notion that the ropes on the chair did anything.

"Why parade around as a lower level demon? Why put so much effort in fighting one principality?" Sandalphon asked, he had also backed up several feet. "We all have to have our hobbies." He grinned and did not elaborate further. "Whatever the reason is," Gabriel had a worrisome amount of confidence now, "you made the mistake of getting captured. And now that we know who you really are we know what to use on you."

He nodded at Sandalphon who wheeled the tray out, presumably to return with more properly powered implements. "You're not even a whole being!" He seemed far too happy with the realization. "You had to have weakened yourself by tearing yourself in two. Tell me, if we destroy this half of you will the other half survive the damage? Have you really let it become this easy to kill the King of Hell?" At this, Crowley's resolve seemed to falter for a brief moment. "I'm guessing you'll have to find out, won't you?" He spat out with all the venom he could muster.

"Gabriel," Aziraphale looked white as a sheet, "may I return to my other duties? This is...a bit above my rank." Gabriel seemed surprised at him. "I suppose so, though it may not be for long, champ." He gave a light punch to Aziraphale's shoulder. Aziraphale gave Gabriel a small smile and turned to leave. Crowley watched his best friend walk out the door not turning back to look at him and wondered if he'd lost him forever.

• • •

Aziraphale had been locked in a small concrete room. The only furnishings were the rickety chair he now sat in and a rusty metal table. He was trying to come to terms with what had just happened. He had answered all the questions put to him, drawn out maps of the building, even gave the names of the Angels on duty there.

If anyone had asked before this he would have insisted he hated Crowley. If Crowley had asked he would have insisted they were hereditary enemies, despite him being personable enough company. For goodness sake, "Crowley" as he claimed to be doesn't even exist! And yet, in the full knowledge of what he was, Aziraphale had not even thought twice about helping him. He was helping Satan himself.. What was worse is that he truly hoped hell would win this battle. He sat in silence and let himself cry.

With a heavy dragging sound the metal door to the room was pushed open. Beelzebub had returned already ze raised zer brow at the sight of his tears. "Our Lord and Master wantzzz to talk with you." He wiped his tears with a handkerchief, straightened his jacket, and followed The Lord of Flies out to meet the Devil.

• • •

He had been let into what appeared to be a bedchamber out of a Gothic novel everything was opulent, ornate, and grim. More noticeably everything was sized for someone about fifteen feet tall. He had no time to take in the surroundings however because there was an immense red demon turning to look down at the small creature that had just entered his chambers.

Satan was different than he had pictured, if only a little. He was big and red with horns and claws, yes. However, he was more Crowley than he'd ever expected. Lithe for a giant, mostly red scales but here and there Aziraphale spotted a black a scale or two on a shoulder, the back of an arm, under an ear. His eyes were Crowley's too. His hair was long in a way that reminded him of Crowley in the old days.

He was different in every way but still so similar. Like rhyming lines in a poem. No. He corrected himself. It's more like someone had separated every other line of a sonnet. In front of me is A-A-C-C-E-E-G They rhyme too much by themselves and you don't know something's missing until you hit G.

"You're appraising me, Aziraphale." Satan finally spoke in a voice that again was eerily like Crowley. "Tell me your thoughts. I've wanted so long to meet you in person." There was more darkness in his eyes than Crowley, more harshness to his voice.

"You have?" Aziraphale asked. "H-has Crowley spoken to you about me? Do you speak to each other? O-or do you.. just...become one person again when you meet?" He felt he was on the verge of rambling at the Devil so he shut up before any other questions could leave his mouth.

Satan stepped closer becoming more human sized along the way. By the time he was in arms reach he was the same height as Crowley. He stepped around Aziraphale examining him like he was a rather interesting statue. He might well have been for how stalk still he stood.

"I never see him if I can help it." He seemed to dislike speaking of Crowley, "We share a subconscious out of necessity so I have seen you when we dream." Satan, far more Crowley-like now he was the size of a man, was stepping in far closer than Crowley usually would and was examining his face with open interest.

"Why wouldn't you want to see him if he's part of you?" The angel asked, trying to ignore the hungry look he was getting. Something in Satan's tone had made him sad and even a little angry. Why would a person be so resistant to acknowledge part of himself, and frankly how dare anyone be so dismissive of Crowley.

Satan stepped in even closer, placing a firm grip on Aziraphale's jaw. He could feel claws poking at his flesh, he couldn't help the shiver that went through him. "When I was cast out by my _bitch_ of a mother," Aziraphale quietly winced at that. "I tore away all the weaknesses I had left and that's what he is." He had begun to hiss like Crowley does when he's tired. "He's everything I never want to be. Pathetic, emotional, whiney, sssentimental, uselessss."

Aziraphale slapped Satan's hand away from his face and stepped back a few paces and spoke as evenly as he could manage. "You will not talk about him that way." Satan's eyes widened and he grinned wickedly at the boldness he'd just witnessed.

"I thought you of all people would understand my view. Isn't he your enemy, angel? An alliance born out of necessity and nothing else." Aziraphale felt like he'd been slapped. He had been insisting that was true for centuries. What must have it been like for Crowley to get this treatment on all sides?

Aziraphale took a slow breath to steady himself, "You know very well that If that were true I wouldn't be here." He felt on the edge of tears."And I am very sorry that I ever let him believe otherwise." Satan stepped in close to him once again until Aziraphale could feel breath on his face.

"Why are you here?" He examined the Angel as if he could find a clue in the curve of his brow or the shape of his ears. "This is a level of recklessness I never thought you capable of." He seemed annoyed by something now, "My soldiers _had_ wanted to kill you, you know? _Bloody stupid_ to risk your life like that!"

Aziraphale looked at the face in front of him and saw concern in those eyes. _They're one person_ , he thought. _They tell themselves they are separate now but they never have been_. If they had really been two separate halves Crowley would never be as wicked as he often was, _Lord help that man who tried to steal the hood ornament off the Bentley_ , and Satan would not currently be admonishing him for risking his safety.

Aziraphale tilted his head and pressed a small kiss to Satan's cheek. "I love him." He stated it outright. The demon before him looked astonished by what had just happened "Rather unconditionally, I'm afraid. Even to the parts of himself he doesn't care for." The King of Hell made a small noise in the back of his throat. His gaze fell to Aziraphale's mouth.

Then without warning Satan staggered back in pain, a faint glow of holy energy surrounding him. It stopped as suddenly as it started. He looked at Aziraphale as if he was going to ask if he had somehow done that when it started again.

"Ngk!" Satan fell to his knees with the force of it. Aziraphale knelt down beside him. He placed his hands on Satan's face and began to pull the energy into himself. Satan gasped in relief and gripped Aziraphale's wrists. Aziraphale noted how he was careful not to use his claws.

"Your people must be there by now so heaven will be trying to kill you as quickly as possible." His own voice seemed to echo in his ears. Aziraphale had to steady his breath. While holy energy couldn't kill him, too much was overwhelming in corporeal form. His eyes were seeing too well, his ears were hearing every noise, his skin felt every change in the air, he was pulling too much energy into himself and he couldn't channel it away.

Aziraphale looked into the face he held in his hands and he saw the true form underneath that fit with Crowley like a puzzle. Power and rage and pain, so much pain all through him. The broken edges of him where he had torn away at himself had never stopped aching. Finally, the holy energy stopped and Aziraphale released the half of his friend that knelt at his feet, he took a slow breath, and lost consciousness.

• • •

Aziraphale hearing was the first thing to come back.

"Well maybe if you weren't always fucking things up-"

"ME fucking things up!? You're the one who got us kicked out by our _own sodding mother_!"

"Will you two stop arguing. I have a headache." It took more effort than usual to open his eyes but the first thing he saw was Crowley and Satan both hurrying forward to try and be the first to his side.

Aziraphale found he had been laid across the burgundy velvet of a very large chaise lounge. Crowley knelt on the floor next to him and Satan tried to sit on the lounge by Aziraphale's waist until Crowley shoved him off earning him a threatening hiss.

"I know we don't say thank you...but..." Crowley was digging his fingers into the upholstery. He seemed to be struggling for what to say. He settled on, "Never do that again, though." With a huff and a small smile. Aziraphale gave him a hesitant look before sitting up with some effort and speaking, "I think I know a way we can avoid a repeat performance."

Crowley's brow lifted "Yeah?" "Yes, I rather think this could be prevented from happening again if you pulled yourselves together, as it were." There was a beat as they realized what he was saying then,

"Nnoooo!"

"Are you out of your mind!?"

"He's awful!"

"I can hardly be in the same room with him as it is!"

"And you want us to share a corporation!?"

"Yes! Being in two corporations nearly got you killed today! I saw the damage you did to yourself through tearing yourself apart and I know that damage isn't going to heal until you put yourself back together. You may not like yourself but I happen to be rather fond of you and I won't let this continue. You're one person and you can't keep hiding from yourself."

Satan and Crowley looked at each other. Crowley looked hesitant and a little scared, Satan looked disgusted. Nevertheless, they stood and the air seemed to electrify as they shifted into something else. The air around them settled, only there wasn't a them anymore. One body stood before the Angel, shaking like a leaf.

The being before him was beautiful. He had Satans horns and claws and long hair, even the patches of black and red scales here and there but the rest of him was Crowley as Aziraphale had always known him. He wasn't sure what to call him now. Lucifer? That had been his name when he was last whole.

"Ngk." The being in front of him was still shaking and grimaced at him. "I don't think I like this, Angel." Tears began to fall down his cheeks and he abruptly growled and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes. "Stop crying you pathetic-" he groaned to himself.

Aziraphale pulled himself up and grabbed ahold of both the demon's hands. "I'm here, dear. Anything you need." The demon gave him a pained look as he was trying to coalesce millennia worth of differences and experiences.

Aziraphale gripped his hands tightly as Lucifer tried to get used to the complexities of being whole again. His head snapped up suddenly and he grabbed Aziraphale by the shoulders. "You said you love me!" The part that was Crowley must have finally seen the memory. He looked at the Angel in wonder and disbelief.

"I do." He said simply.

"Really!?" The demon's voice had gone up an octave or two. Aziraphale felt clawed fingers flex carefully against his shoulders and he smiled up at their owner. "Would you like me to prove it, dear?" Aziraphale stepped closer and cradled the face of Lucifer in his hands. Completely without his permission a squeak left the demon's throat as his angel closed the distance between them.


End file.
